| Relationships |
[Jan. 1st, 2007|09:34 am] |
I am the god of sucking at this. I love this girl so much and I am trying so hard to do things up to her expectations. She thinks I am holding things above her. All I want is to make this girl happy. Even if it means that the romance will take a blow in the midst. she means more to me than just a girl I like to snuggle up to. I am very stubborn and hardheaded about things and I really truly wish I didnt come off so harsh. She thinks that its just part of my personality to be argumentative and that I think I can just tell her I love her when we get into an argument and everything will be ok. I realize we are going to have our differences,everyone does. You just have to work through them and I feel like I have done everything I can to become more aware of those small nuances that get under our skin and to accept her flaws for what they are and I feel I can live with that. Thats why I say I want to marry this woman. I am finding out however that she can't cope with my apparent shitty attitude as easily as she thought she could. I am uncertain about our future now. Everything seemed like it was going to be a breeze and now out of nowhere I feel like I have been bombarded with issues that need to be resolved that were not in my foresight earlier. If we can continue to make things work, and help each other then everything will be fine. There are so many great things about our relationship but the few things that are troublesome really have put a damper on the romantic aspect over the past week. We are there for each other in all the ways that count. We have to be. If we arent we lose the house and we start back over from square one only she will really be fucked and homeless. She says I hold that over her head because I am the one with a job and a car and a backup plan that I can run to and she has nowhere to go. I don't know how else to make her feel safe. Maybe this is just a very vulnerable time for us and my time away in colorado will be the ultimate test for us. I am praying that God will appear in some form and guide us through the troubled times and into the light. I love you so much Jessea and I want you to be the one I will marry. Please have faith in us and never give up hope. I will be there for you in whatever way I can even if we don't keep the spark in our love interest. You are a dear friend to me and you have already helped me through some of the most troubled times of my life and for that I owe you eternal friendship. The least I can do is help you get back on your feet. I will do whatever it takes to help you. I don't expect anything in return except for your friendship and of course you know I will never give up on our love. The only thing that could ever get in the way of that is your own feelings and right now I am worried that you have already given up. I will be leaving tomorrow for 3 weeks my love. I hope we have a wonderful last day together until i return. It kills me to think I will be gone so long in such a trying time for us.
Love, Ian |
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